I listed the basic wants..... Single, Tall and Local. Sounds pretty simple. huh. You'd have thought so........ But here's how it's gone....... Murphy's Law...... and my thoughts on the matter.
I listed single.......So far I've had at least 5 offers from married men who are 'bored.' Ahem....Guys! (tapping foot here).... if your own wife isn't sufficiently interested to keep you entertained, what the "F" makes you think I want the job? I'll pass, thanks. Adultery isn't my thing. Nice to know I couldn't trust ya right off the bat though.
I stated that I am extremely partial to tall men at least 6'.... 95% of the men have been 5' 10" and under. And 80% of those explained that their tongue makes up for not being 6' tall. Or that height doesn't matter when you're horizontal. Oh.... Nu uh! Your tongue won't.... and the fact that someone even suggests that, is so trailer trashy that I don't want to even get near said tongue. And besides, if you don't meet the vertical standard, you don't make it to the horizontal challenge.I like tall men. SUE ME. I'm tired of making nice-nice when I say no thank you to short men. Men can drone on and on about wanting thin women. Fine. I'm glad. It's your right to want whatever you want. (and no weight is not an issue for me). But I state I like tall men and I get more whining than you can ever imagine. So guys, before you start calling me superficial, let me remind you that all those women you turn down because of their weight..... They can lose that weight. But short ... well short is forever. Besides, at 5' 7", I have kids bigger than you. Pfft. (rant done)
I said I preferred local ~ a lot were at least 5 states away. Awww c'mon guys. I'm not a good flyer! I have no desire to spend hours on the phone with someone instead of holding conversations across a dinner table. I also don't want to play 'hotel meet.' I'm sure it could be sexy and romantic and fun. Once. But not once a month. Sounds more like call girl arrangements than a relationship. And I've never thought of myself as hooker material. Anyway, I'm already a member of the mile high club, so pfft. on that too. Besides, you think I'm leaving these heathens alone for 2 days at a time....? Wait, on second thought..... No. nevermind. I like my house. I want to keep it.
I stated men should be close to my age...... Oh yea. Delicious boy toys came offering that they like older women. It sounds all nice and gooey on the surface until you realize you're the older woman. Older woman. OLDER Wo..... well you get the idea. NOoooo....I don't wanna be Mrs. Robinson (whine). Besides, I already have 3 young men.... and they'd not share the Playstation with you and then there'd be all sorts of trouble and I'd have to break up another fight and send you to time out or put you on restriction..... so no. I'll pass.Hey. I told the kids I'd work on going out more this year..... And this is my attempt. I wonder if I'm getting on their nerves? Or maybe they're worried I'll start blogging more about them this year. Maybe I'll keep a running tally....
oh ya.. something tells me this isn't going to be pretty.
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