Rant like an Idiot!

OMG! People in Atlanta are idiots. A RUMOR started that there was going to be a gas shortage because of an interrupt in supply lines. A RUMOR... and then you know what happened.

People flocked like freakin Lemmings to gas stations. Prices are close to $6.00 a gallon in downtown. They drained the gas stations of gas...and then panic set it.

Idiots, all freakkin idiots. Had they gone about life (gas) as normal, the supply would have been diverted here in other ways with no one the poorer.... but no.

Let's panic like idiots. Yea, Thanks. Idiots.

I wonder if any of these people were related to the ones that built a city below sea level, surrounded by water, on the coast and thought.... oh yea.. this is a great idea.

And yes.. one last time.. IDIOTS.

k... I feel all better now.

George?

Where's George

...I don't know, he's certainly not in MY wallet........ but if you find him (or any of his friends), send him back, pleaseandthankyou.

Why do I try?

Soooo.... I did the laundry and while I was on a cleaning roll, I decided to wash the comforter set on my bed.

It scorched (burned) in the dryer.

Apparently my laundry skills match my cooking skills.

A Domestic Goddess, I'm not.

Hurricanes

You don't have to live on the coast to have those words plant a seed of fear in you.

I lived in Charlotte when Hugo hit. We were without power for 10 days. It was a war zone.

My house here in Atlanta was hit and damaged by Francis last year. Then Ivan hit a few weeks later and my house was damaged again. Then Jeanne hit.. and well... more damage.

All of which insurance didn't cover.

This summer Dennis hit and tore up just minor things in the backyard... but a leak started on the back side of the house. And now Katrina. If these winds and rain make it to Atlanta again from the outer bands, I'm not sure the house can take it.

I never did plant that damn tree. (go here for an explanation)My prayers go out to everyone in Katrina's path.

Life Sciences in action

What you DO, and what you DON'T do, matters.

This is the lesson I try to teach the kids.

This lesson is then followed by another. ..For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

I'd like to take credit for that last one, but some guy named Newton already named it; Relativity. Regardless.... neither of these life science lessons have taken with the kids, or so it seems.

An example is this: If it's your job to take out the trash, and you don't do it, it starts to pose a cat hazard and also smells up the kitchen.

In the kitchen is the coffee maker. Can we see where this is going??

When... oh.... saaaayyy a certain Mom gets up and stumbles downstairs to get her morning IV of coffee started, and she assaulted by the smell and site of trash all over the kitchen floor because the cat got into it.... she might just hunt you down, rip the covers off your bed, aim a squirt bottle and hose you down while you are still in said bed and won't stop until you go clean it up.

See....an action and equal opposite reaction.

It's all relative.

In this case the relativity is sons.

If You could change one thing.....

Scalzi asks us this week....... "what do we want." ... ahem......(adjusting tiara)

All I want is whirled peas.

(Oh come on..... you know if I didn't type it, somebody would and no, I am sooo not linking this to his page... and yes, it's been a long, dull day. How can you tell? and.... if you don't get it.... Whirled peas is beauty pagent speak for World Peace which would be really nice to have.

And no, I've never been in a pagent of any kind...inspite of being southern.)

Ya. Bored.

Transferring

There's a great site called "FREECYCLE." And it looks like every city and state has one.

The premise is 'Don't throw it away, freecycle it and keep it out of the landfills.'

It's a place where you post items that you want to give away. Items that somebody else might want and you just want out of your house.

So, while cleaning this week, I finally broke down and parted with about 50 books. Parting with books is tough, but I succumbed in the battle of the great Dust Bunny War of 2005. (which by the way is still being waged).......

Sometimes I participate in "BOOK CROSSING," but not with 50 books. So I posted them for free on FreeCycle.

And it just so happened, that while I was on the site, a lady posted these. It's first come, first serve and you have to move quick if you want something that is posted. I think my e-mail was there a split second after she posted these. They're plate hangers, and it just so happens I have a bunch of plates I've been meaning to hang.... Woohoo! I don't know which I like best ... the plate hangers or the fact that they were free!

Promise

In the heart of woman;
In the soul of man.

In the face of a child;
In the touch of a hand.

In the whisper of truth;
In the depths of Faith

In the breath of a lifetime;
In the arms of fate

In the screams of Hope;
In a time of strife

In this I believe
is found the promise of life

Dust Bunny flu

It's all finally caught up with me. I've finally succumbed to the Dust Bunny Flu. It's been coming on for a few weeks now....

…………..That annoying itch when I look at the carpet.

…………..The eye tick started upon seeing the kitten paw prints in dust on the dining room table.

…………..Watery eyes started when I looked around at the state of my house.

…………..My throat became dry and prickly when I said "We need to buy a carpet cleaner."

But I really knew I was delirious with fever when I wanted to call into work sick so that I could stay home and clean. I did however go into work today... cuz I'm a trooper like that.

After work, I so hoped the symptoms would disappear. They didn't.

Five hours after arriving home from work, I had steam cleaned, vacuumed, dusted and rearranged the family room.

Five hours - one room.

There are 7 more rooms with carpet, and that’s not counting stairways and hallways.

I’m thinking I might need professional in-home care…. like a maid. I wonder if my disabilkity insurance at work will cover this since I am clearly incapable of doing this on my own.

Pfft.

PERK!

!~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~

You'd think after all the cleaning yesterday, I'd be exhausted. It was after 3am before I finally fell asleep.

Two alarm clocks blaring finally roused my sleep deprived butt out of bed, only to stumble downstairs for my life elixir, Coffee.

Extreme panic attack... push the button for "ON" and no "ON". No "ON" is not an option. I will not and cannot accept no "ON". I repeatedly punch the button with as much success as pushing an elevator button repeatedly. The coffee does not arrive.

Now understand that I burn through more coffee makers faster than dust bunnies multiply, so I wasn't too surprised the machine didn't turn on. I've had it about a year, so it's probably due to expire. Then I remembered that the carpet cleaner had cut off when I was using that outlet so I moved the coffee maker to a new spot in the kitchen. Maxwell House! "ON" !

Who cares that the outlet doesn't have power. There could be an electrical burnout waiting to happen. It doesn't matter. It was 7 am and I had coffee.... If the house is still standing when I get home from work, I'll figure it out then.

But for now..... Ahhhhhhhhhh, Nirvana.

MOOOOOOO

The kids and I were talking about sex. Uh yea. Hmm.

Now, normally it's not a subject that comes up (no pun intended) and it's also a subject I'd prefer to duck and cover about.

Yea, yea... I know. Chicken = me.

The first time one of my kids said 'orgasm', I think I spit coffee out my nose.

He used it in a sentence which to the best of my knowledge was something like, "Hey Mom, how does a hermaphrodite have an orgasm?"

coffee....nose.. ouch.

This time some friends of theirs were here when the discussion came up. And I offered the girls the age old advice of... "Why buy the cow if the milk is free."

The kids couldn't believe I said it, and I couldn't believe they hadn't heard that old saying before.

"Did you just call girls heifers?" My son asked.

"Hey, if the "Mooooo " fits." I replied.....

The Deadly Sins and Me

I'm going to hell in a handbasket.

Hadon is doing a piece on the 7 Deadly Sins... And by my reckoning.... I've pretty much got them all nailed down pretty darn well too, if I say so myself.


Pride: Yep, got that. The bad kind too. As in too proud to (insert reason here). Hey! You don't think I'm going to admit it here, do you? Seeeeee pride... got it. bleh.




Envy: Hmmm... Not too much of this really. But it jumps up at times. Like when I think of Howie Long's wife. oh yea. I wanna be her for a day; or night....
or two nights.



Gluttony: I've been told I'm a glutton for punishment. Tho I don't think that fits here. But I am glutty with Goobers. Those chocolate covered peanuts. Glutton with a capital 'gluh'.



Wrath: Well, I did throw a couch, tv, computer, Playstation, Nintendo, etc., etc., into my garage one night at midnight.... so ummm, yea I think I've got the hang of this one too.


Greed: Yes. I want it. I want it all and I want it now damnit. Specially stacking stones and plants. I want the entire Lowes Garden section transported to my backyard ** Snap snap** Oh, and bring Goobers with you too.



Sloth: I have clothes mountain taller than Everest in my laundry room and dust bunnies running amok in every room. Sloth, I definitely have in Spades. In fact I'd rather play spades than clean.


and last but not least, sigh....... Lust.

Lust: hmmm ... 6' 4" dark hair, a body that is climbable, blue eyes, thighs that can... well.... anyway. ..... If I see all that, I'm drooling.. And nothing says Lust like a puddle of wetness.



Oh yea, I'm goin to hell in a handbasket. One gooey, chocolatey, wet handbasket.

tis Not a pretty picture.

Izzard You funny?

******************************Disclaimer***************

Only Eddie Izzard fans will understand this entry. To the rest of you, I sincerely apologize for this bit of nonsensical lunacy.
*******************************************************

The conversation when I arrive home from work. Anywhere from 1-3 sons answer, depending on who's near at the time. Add poor British accents.. and well there ya are.

ME: Hey where's the cat?

SON: Le chat est sur la chaise.

ME: Le singe est sur la branche.

SON: E's a cheeky little monkey. 'ello Sue. I've got legs. Do you like Bread?

ME: No bread. Cake or Death?

Son: Cake please.

ME: We're out of cake.

Sons: So my choice is 'or death'?

ME: Yes. Did you clean your rooms?

SON: Do you have a flag? No flag, no room. Can't have it.

ME: It's flagged. And did anyone check the pool?

SON: Splashy splashy splashy.

Me: Noooooooo splashy splashy. Cleany cleany.

SON: Bye Mom. I love youUUUUU. (prancing off with limp wristed wave).

By now, most of you are saying "Quoi?" The Comedy routine ongoing in my house is compliments of Eddie Izzard. The insane children living there and sharing a warped sense of humor are all my fault.

Stacy has her "Fockers" and we have our Eddie Izzard. What bit of comedy has found it's way into your house?

And, one final thought..... Engelbert Humperdink (slight head nod).

Ciao..

Uber Mom

I see Red.

I.....finally......snapped.

For weeks .... i begged. i pleaded. i screamed. i cajoled. i bargained. and i warned.... and then i went Ubermom on them last night at midnight.

The problem is, there are no stairs off my deck down to the backyard and that means in order to get to the pool, I have to enter into basementland... where the basement people live and hang out. And we know how much i love being out by my pool so avoiding the basement is not an option.

My mistake was going into the kitchen down there.

Their mistake was not keeping it clean.... again. I won't even describe the horrors I found down there.

Sooo.... I took the desk, the computer, the tv, the Playstation, the Nintendo, the DVD player, the Dreamcast, the old VCR, a chair and the couch, along with 6 bags of trash out! of there and threw it all in the garage right next to the garbage that they continually forget to put out at the street.

If they're going to treat my house as a landfill, they can live in the garage with the rest of the litter. What did you say? There's no fresh air in the garage, or cable hook up, or phone....

Not....... my........ problem....!

My problem is now I really want some new furniture for an empty basement.....grrrrrrr teenagers!

Eden It Isn't

Can the dust bunny war be far behind?
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It's a wonder anything survives in my house. I don't cook. When my ex moved out, he took the kitchen stuff. It took me a year to notice.

I also suck at cleaning. Unlike the vacuum that doesn't (suck). And as for a green thumb.. well let's just say my thumb color would be found on the opposite side of any color wheel shade of green.

But for some reason, every spring and fall I come under the delusion that this is the season that I will buy shrubs and flowers, plant them, and my yard of nothingness will be transformed into a flowering, green, lush garden of Eden.

I dream that the bushes will not turn brown and crispy, the trees will actually sprout leaves and the flowers will bloom and thrive. Well maybe not thrive, but at least live and stay green for more than a month. I've bought azaleas and planted them at the front of the house. I'm not exactly sure what happened to them. I only know that brown was not the color I bought.

Then there was the year of the lovely rose bushes I planted along the side of the house. Their pink blossoms lovely against the stark tan side of my house. Imagine my surprise when a week later I went to gaze proudly at them again and they were gone. No green leaves, no pink flowers, not even brown stalks were left. Poof. Gone.

On further investigation it revealed a son mowed them down. "I didn't notice them" the child said. "Besides, they would just die a slow death anyway. I just put them out of their misery." Unfortunately the little smart ass was probably right and I decided to give up on my Garden of Eden vision....Until.....

.....Lowes had a plant sale last month. When I had the kids come out and unload the plants from the Jeep, one son had the audacity to hum the 'funeral march' song as he carried the plants to the back yard.

HA! It's been over a month....Take this kids!

I’m tickled pink and yellow! I planted: Confederate Jasmine, Wysteria, Bougainvillea, Honeysuckle, sumthin sumthin (hey I’m new to this), two Italian cyprus trees, and only 1 plant out of 15 died. They are all climbing vines and I hope that one day they will completely take over the lattice and create a wall of flowers along the fence. Well, that’s the plan anyway. As the guys so nicely pointed out... We'vestill got a lot of summer to go.. and then there's *gasp* winter. Winter?!! Blasphemy! !