Reflections

Sigh. Well the present part of the season is over. And now New Years looms large.

New Years is rarely a party time to me. It's more a time to sit back and do some serious soul searching. To think of things I'm thankful for, and take a serious look at things I need to change in my life. Yea, I know, that part sucks.

The kids got i.o.u.'s from their dad for Christmas. I was expecting it when I didn't get child support for December (or January). It's one of the reasons I was wandering thru stores for days trying to do Christmas on my budget. It's probably one of the reasons the kids didn't ask for anything.... they've been thru lean times. Many lean times. They look at life as to what they need, not what they want.

I sometimes worry we took away the ability to dream from them. See, reflection does suck. But, they're seeing their mom work two jobs, and trying to provide some perks in this life instead of just 'maintaining'. Perks like the kick ass pool of doom in the backyard. Ok, bad example maybe. lol But still, they see that if you work for it, life does have fun stuff to offer.

That is IF the pool guy didn't go out of business and comes back in a few months to finish. lol details, details.

Another good note, I didn't charge one thing for Christmas. But I think I depleted the checking account pretty darn well, if I do say so myself. But hey, no new bills coming in for January, and that kicks ass too. That and I didn't wait and depend on the ex. Sometimes he comes thru, but many times, he doesn't. He says February will be 'his month'. For his sake I hope so. But for me and the kids, I'm not counting on it. This has been a goal of mine... to not be dependent on somebody else. To provide for my kids by myself. I think I made that goal pretty darn well this year.

It's taken a lot of years to get here...I hope I stay.

There are a few more hurdles to jump and goals I have for next year. A new engine for the one car that isn't running; checking into braces for one son; repairing the trim on the back of the house; finishing the pool; getting in better shape; eliminating the rest of my debt as much as I can; and maybe even having some fun along the way would be nice too. I'm thankful to God for everything. The doors he opened and the ones he closed.

For bringing me two jobs that provide the financial opportunity to maintain our stability and to make headway. For the continued good health of my family. For his sense of humor that makes me not sweat the small stuff and see that it's all small stuff in front of me.

So as the new year approaches, instead of wanting to go to bed and pull the covers up over my head, I'll take one last contented look back at everything I've accomplished and turn to the new year with renewed purpose and strength.

Instead of the idea that I need to learn how to drink.