My baby Isn't a Baby... but Don't Tell Him I Said That.

Son #3 is my baby. My baby is 17.

We practice having our children leave us. We leave them with a baby-sitter, send them to school or even let them spend the night with family or sleep overs at a friends.

But when the time comes for them to leave us for the last time, none of the practicing we did for 18 years truly prepares us for letting them go.

Since he was very young, my son Ian has wanted a career in the Military.

He has been to a military "High Adventure" camp which turned out to be a disciplinary camp..... and he loved it. He is enrolled in the Marine ROTC jr program in high school; participating on the exhibition rifle team and is also the team captain of the ROTC rifle shooting team in high school. Military seems to be in his blood. I'm proud of him.. but. Well you know.

Now he is at that point in his life, when his direction is being defined. It's no surprise that he wants to pursue a military career. It's been obviously apparent for many years that there is where is his heart lies. And even more painfully apparent when he asked a National Guard recruiter to come to the house this evening to talk to me.

Ian didn't need to talk to him again, he knows what he wants. He wanted the recruiter to talk to me. He can sign up now and qualify for a full scholarship to college next fall after he graduates from high school. He will get a years head start on his rank. He will also be eligible for deployment at anytime during his first two years of college. Deployment.

Deployment.

I cannot ..... CANNOT .... With any part of my breaking heart, sign papers that would allow my son to possibly be deployed in a year or two.

This is a decision I cannot and will not make, a decision that will so drastically impact or possibly end his life.

It is a decision he will have to make on his own when he is legally able.

I have 5 months until then ....... 5 very, very, very short months.