I'm not quite sure where time has gone, nor where I happened to misplace it. I've had time, lots of it, but it slipped unnoticed through my fingers of consciousness, somehow getting lost between unending days of boredom and unending nights of nothingness.Nothingness. The bane of existence.
I'm not quite sure how I manage to look back over my shoulder at another completed year and not be able to find anything of note between the calendar pages. But I can, and did. I can find some milestones that were passed, but frankly I'd prefer to ignore them and so I did that too.
Life. What an oddity it is. Oh sure, I got up and went to work, paid my bills, complained about things, laughed at things, whined about things; and in the midst of all the mundane I look back and realize that I can say I was content. How very odd. Contentment.
In contentment you understand that life isn't a Hallmark commercial. In contentment you understand that being happy isn't always the gift you receive in life. While wrapped in my own little world, I've decided that contentment is the lack of stress, the lack of drama, the lack of pressure, the lack of sorrow, the lack of strife. This rather sounds like it should be "Happy" instead then, no? No, Because contentment is also the lack of passion, the lack of surprise, the lack of wonder, and last but not least, the lack of love. Without most if not all of those things, happiness is still an elusive commercial.
BUT, for this past year I will gratefully take contentment. Not as a default, but as as a reward. It was a unique, quiet feeling that almost passed without notice. It won't make me raise a toast on New Years with the feeling of 'OMG am I glad this year is over.' I've had a few of those too.
So..... for all of you this holiday season and for the upcoming new year, I wish you all every happiness life can bring you. But if happiness is still a bit out of reach, I wish you the very best contentment that you can find.
~ Sie
