Izzard You funny?

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Only Eddie Izzard fans will understand this entry. To the rest of you, I sincerely apologize for this bit of nonsensical lunacy.
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The conversation when I arrive home from work. Anywhere from 1-3 sons answer, depending on who's near at the time. Add poor British accents.. and well there ya are.

ME: Hey where's the cat?

SON: Le chat est sur la chaise.

ME: Le singe est sur la branche.

SON: E's a cheeky little monkey. 'ello Sue. I've got legs. Do you like Bread?

ME: No bread. Cake or Death?

Son: Cake please.

ME: We're out of cake.

Sons: So my choice is 'or death'?

ME: Yes. Did you clean your rooms?

SON: Do you have a flag? No flag, no room. Can't have it.

ME: It's flagged. And did anyone check the pool?

SON: Splashy splashy splashy.

Me: Noooooooo splashy splashy. Cleany cleany.

SON: Bye Mom. I love youUUUUU. (prancing off with limp wristed wave).

By now, most of you are saying "Quoi?" The Comedy routine ongoing in my house is compliments of Eddie Izzard. The insane children living there and sharing a warped sense of humor are all my fault.

Stacy has her "Fockers" and we have our Eddie Izzard. What bit of comedy has found it's way into your house?

And, one final thought..... Engelbert Humperdink (slight head nod).

Ciao..

Uber Mom

I see Red.

I.....finally......snapped.

For weeks .... i begged. i pleaded. i screamed. i cajoled. i bargained. and i warned.... and then i went Ubermom on them last night at midnight.

The problem is, there are no stairs off my deck down to the backyard and that means in order to get to the pool, I have to enter into basementland... where the basement people live and hang out. And we know how much i love being out by my pool so avoiding the basement is not an option.

My mistake was going into the kitchen down there.

Their mistake was not keeping it clean.... again. I won't even describe the horrors I found down there.

Sooo.... I took the desk, the computer, the tv, the Playstation, the Nintendo, the DVD player, the Dreamcast, the old VCR, a chair and the couch, along with 6 bags of trash out! of there and threw it all in the garage right next to the garbage that they continually forget to put out at the street.

If they're going to treat my house as a landfill, they can live in the garage with the rest of the litter. What did you say? There's no fresh air in the garage, or cable hook up, or phone....

Not....... my........ problem....!

My problem is now I really want some new furniture for an empty basement.....grrrrrrr teenagers!

Eden It Isn't

Can the dust bunny war be far behind?
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It's a wonder anything survives in my house. I don't cook. When my ex moved out, he took the kitchen stuff. It took me a year to notice.

I also suck at cleaning. Unlike the vacuum that doesn't (suck). And as for a green thumb.. well let's just say my thumb color would be found on the opposite side of any color wheel shade of green.

But for some reason, every spring and fall I come under the delusion that this is the season that I will buy shrubs and flowers, plant them, and my yard of nothingness will be transformed into a flowering, green, lush garden of Eden.

I dream that the bushes will not turn brown and crispy, the trees will actually sprout leaves and the flowers will bloom and thrive. Well maybe not thrive, but at least live and stay green for more than a month. I've bought azaleas and planted them at the front of the house. I'm not exactly sure what happened to them. I only know that brown was not the color I bought.

Then there was the year of the lovely rose bushes I planted along the side of the house. Their pink blossoms lovely against the stark tan side of my house. Imagine my surprise when a week later I went to gaze proudly at them again and they were gone. No green leaves, no pink flowers, not even brown stalks were left. Poof. Gone.

On further investigation it revealed a son mowed them down. "I didn't notice them" the child said. "Besides, they would just die a slow death anyway. I just put them out of their misery." Unfortunately the little smart ass was probably right and I decided to give up on my Garden of Eden vision....Until.....

.....Lowes had a plant sale last month. When I had the kids come out and unload the plants from the Jeep, one son had the audacity to hum the 'funeral march' song as he carried the plants to the back yard.

HA! It's been over a month....Take this kids!

I’m tickled pink and yellow! I planted: Confederate Jasmine, Wysteria, Bougainvillea, Honeysuckle, sumthin sumthin (hey I’m new to this), two Italian cyprus trees, and only 1 plant out of 15 died. They are all climbing vines and I hope that one day they will completely take over the lattice and create a wall of flowers along the fence. Well, that’s the plan anyway. As the guys so nicely pointed out... We'vestill got a lot of summer to go.. and then there's *gasp* winter. Winter?!! Blasphemy! !

Random thoughts

After spending that day, all day in the pool last week, I am now almost over my painful sunburn I received on my chest and tops of my thighs for doing that. I forgot they had not seen the light of day in a long time.

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ME : ( said to man standing in line at sandwich shoppe) ::laughing:: Your pants are buzzing.
Him: (with sarcastic response) "Yes,I know. It's my phone. "

After which he turns around. End of conversation. I guess that's what I get for laughing at a man's groin. He made no move to answer the shaking/buzzing phone. Me thinks he was enjoying it too much. Pfft. And I thought my love life sucked. Ha!

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I’ve discovered I am happiest when I am involved in a project. Cleaning house or doing laundry by the way, is not a project. I’m project less at the moment, but still happy. I’m also broke. But then, I don’t want to leave the pool, so who cares. There are two new additions to the family. A new cat (Ty) and a new son (D). Let’s hope both work out better than the daughter did.

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Judi posted another essay question. “Why did you start a journal?”

Beats me. I’ve never kept a journal or diary. One day, I was thinking how absurd all the car stuff was that was happening, and thought… damn this is funny in that weird sorta way that weird things happen in, and thought… ‘instead of talking to yourself and being highly amused, why not start a journal where you can write it out and amuse yourself in print.’

(for all the people new to my little place here.. FYI, I used to be much more funny before the pool was done. I really was. Just don't give me wine.)

Finally

I finally did it. I spent all day floating in the pool. Alone. No kids. Just the warm sun, the cool water and me. I had forgotten how good it felt to relax and drift. To do nothing. To think of nothing. I had forgotten how nice it is to wear very little (a bathing suit) without worrying that someone is staring at your thighs. To feel the water swirl around your body. To feel weightless, and have no stress bearing down on me. It was better than sex... better than chocolate .... or coffee! Well, ok it was better than sex at least.

Playing in the Dirt - Again

Playing in the dirt.. yes again.

Ok, I admit it. While on vacation, I missed my pool. I wanted to hang outside by it for the first time since it's been done. so I ended up spending the last two days "finishing" the walls so I could be near it.

Now I can sit back and enjoy my vacation.... and decide what next to do.

There are tons of little odds and ends to finish and fix... but I'm really bad about getting around to those. Maybe I'll sick the kids on them....

So here are the final pictures.... I wonder what kind of trouble I will get myself into next.

NRA

We came; We shot; We did OK.

Here's the group dressed for the awards ceremony on Sunday. Don't they all look so sweet and innocent. Who would think they're a gun toting band of teens.... My son is wearing the red shirt.




The event was the NRA National Championship, Bloomington, IL. I learned that Illinois has corn. Lots and lots and lots of corn. The kids (pictured below) in red are the rifle team. The girls in grey are our new pistol team.

Part of the shooting line. Over 200 kids making up 46 teams from across the country participated in the event. My son is in the black and white shooting suit.

These are the girls who made up our Georgia Pistol team. They are very new to the sport and turned heads not only for their great shooting, but for other reasons... Yes, we chaperones had our hands full....
The rifle team took 2nd place. We lost first by 8 points. They were disappointed considering two of the shooters were a total of 40 shots below their usual scores. But 2nd isn't too bad for Ian since it was his first National competition. And he personally scored well and got a medal for being in the top 10 and for team 2nd.Oh and one of his teammates, Phillip, shot a new national record!
I'm glad to be home... I missed my pool.

Road Trip!

I'm off to see the Wizard..... well, maybe not the Wizard, but Illinois and all the states in between here and there.

There will be guns involved

...and we (son and I) are waiting to see who will be on the team. Seems Ian is the wildcard.

He's outshooting some of the older members of the team and the coach doesn't know what to do with him. So he'll either be team member #4 or the alternate. Either way, his scores will count for individual awards, so I have my fingers crossed for him.

It's Ian's first national competition. He is one of 5 shooters chosen from the state to represent Georgia at this competition; so just making the team is pretty darn great.

Wish him good luck in shooting and wish me good luck keeping my sanity for 6 days in a hotel room with giggling girls.....

I'm the room mom for the pistol team (3 are girls). oy. Soooo I'm on vacation for two weeks! and spending one of them driving to Illinois... le sigh..

I already miss my pool.

This is what watching shooting is like.... it's been likened to watching paint dry. Personally, I love to paint....

Progress!

this is why I haven't posted lately..

What Was I thinking?!

This wall has kicked my ass, busted a toe, broken every fingernail I have, given my fingers mortar burns, strained my back, and has made my kids run, screaming from the house on weekends.

Not bad for a rookie.

I wish it was done, but it's not.

I'm running out of things to hurt.

Fathers Day

A letter to my father,

I wanted to type the eulogy that Barbara wrote for your funeral. But I still can't bring myself to read it. I love you and I miss you and I thank God everyday for what you gave me. Your death helped give me life.

I think you'd love the pool. I know it would have helped both you and mom. I hope you like it.

I know you're both still here... flying tupperware. 'Nough said.

Thank you for teaching me many things, but most of all for teaching me to "do" things. Who knew all those years of camping and hiking would translate over to an independent woman that could rely on herself to get things done. But...

a little cosmic help on the rock wall would be appreciated.

I love you and miss you more than I can say.

Thank you Daddy.

Susan

Motrin For The Win

It's Monday, and it's sunny and beautiful. Figures, since it's been raining FOREVER.... or so it seems.

Son #3 (Ian) is recovering from his, a bit stiff and sore. The chemical burns from the airbag look awful, but he shrugs them off.

I need to quit shark jumping, the back just can't take it. It's just stiff and sore. But that might be because I'm stubborn and am slowing down just enough to keep it at a dull ache, instead of spasms.

I've waited years to be able to do landscaping projects. I can take stiff and sore and achy, and walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame...but I can't take those spasms. Besides, I've got two tons of fieldstone begging to be turned into a rock wall.... not to mention that both Lowe's and Home Depot now have my address memorized for deliveries...

There's a pallet of pavers, bermuda sod (.99 each woohoo!), gravel, more paving stones, rocks, sand .... all sitting there calling my name.

It's a good thing Motrin also knows my name... otherwise I'd not be able to answer.

Uh Mom - It's About the Car, Again....

Guess who had a wreck.

In his defense, all I can say is that this time the bent metal wasn't his fault. Nothing much you can do when you are stopped in traffic and someone decides to use your car as a brake.

The airbag smashed the windshield. Ian has a few chemical burns on his arm, but other than that. He's fine.

The worst part was calling my ex and telling him we just lost Car #3.


Oh ya.. Can't you imagine THAT conversation. Uh huh, that was fun.

JUMPING THE SHARK

Apparently I so enjoyed jumping the shark last month, that I tried to do it again... and succeded very well too, I might add.

The pool is done... let's all take a moment and reflect on the wonder of that statement. ok, wonder done.

Now if the weather would get warm, and the sun would come out, having a pool might be more fun if you could actually SWIM in it. Details, details, I know.

So.... pool done ...

I decided that next I wanted a stacked stone wall next to the house, around the pump, filter, heater etc.... And being the determined (read stubborn) woman I am, I decided.. I can do this myself.

What I didn't realize is that 6 hours of digging a trench, shovelling, loading and unload cinderblock for the wall foundation was not something a woman prone to shark jumping should do. Or overdo, as the case turned out to be.
And this was a whale shark. 2 days on my back. Back spasms are like labor, without the payoff when they're done. I never want to go through that again. ever. ever ever. Give me shearing sharp back pain any day over spasms.

And so the bricks lay scattered around the yard, the stone stacked neatly in it's pallet and the trench filling up with water and mud..

And speaking of water.. had I known it was going to rain for over a week straight, I'd have saved $ and let the pool fill up that way.

Just a thought.

ALL ABOARD!

Lord, what was I thinking? Was I crazy? I have a pool. wow. finally. I'll feel better once I get the first power bill.. or maybe not.

11 months. 11 MONTHS.

My father used to tell me I had a one track mind, and On that one track mind was a freight train and Lord help anything that got in the way.

Sometimes it serves me well... getting me through tough times. And at other times, it's more like tunnel vision. All I can see is that destination in front of me. And nothing will deter me.

Well, the train is out of the tunnel and at the station...

One day, I really do need to get a conductor. Until then... I'm going to enjoy this destination for a while.