The Trials of Driving

Let me tell you about Knoxville.

It SUCKS. Well, the DOT/roads do at least. The road atlas says one thing and little ole Knoxville has decided that No, No we won't mark the roads so that people where know where the hell they are going. let's cost them an extra hour of drive time just for fun.

Hehehe bite me Knoxville. I'm now immune to your wily ways.

And then there was the mobile home. The mobile home that was traveling down the highway. Which was all well and good until the roof shingles started flying off onto my Jeep.

le sigh.

I couldn't tell if the imprint left was dirt or if I was now the owner of a 12" x 12" roof shingle etched windshield. I debated a few seconds before I told my son who was driving at the time, to catch up to the pace truck. We did and I got a phone number off the truck. I called and explained they just damaged my windshield.

The man who answered my call was named Cowboy and he asked if I was in 'the black Jeep.' I guess he must have seen me having a hissy fit in the Jeep as we passed him.

So the three of us - mobile home included - all pulled over to the side of the highway to have a little pow-wow. Cowboy hopped down out of his mobile home pullin truck and took a look at my windshield and told me to call Joe. Joe would take care of me. I called Joe.

It seems Joe is going to take care of me.

I wonder if he's tall? err.. anyway..

Unless you count the nauseating aroma of pulp mills or dead skunk as problems, the rest of the trip was uneventful until we got to Palmyra. To get to Palmyra, you have to go through Hershey, PA.

As in chocolate Hershey.

OMG. A town that smells like chocolate. le sigh. Isn't life just wonderful sometimes?

No life run by no brain

Sometime tonight or early tomorrow morning, my son and I will be driving to Palmyra, PA.

PA as in PENNSYLFRICKENVANIA.

I live in GA...... and we're DRIVING.

Driving.

Driving.

What was I thinking?

No Life

I believe I've made the statement before that I have no life to speak of.

For the past two weeks, I've proved it.

I did nothing.

I didn't go anywhere, see anyone, talk to anyone (cept the kids and the gazillion kids that came over during the holidays.)

I stayed in sweat pants and t-shirt. I didn't put on shoes once. I didn't shave my legs. I might have slept. Maybe. I forgot to eat. I lived on coffee. I got my days and nights confused. I played pool. Watched some tv, played WoW. Let the cat out... and generally I obtained the goal of taking sloth into a world that is to be envied.

And now, it ends.

I bet I'm late to work on Monday.

New Years Looms Large

Well folks, it's that time of year again. The time we make resolutions that usually last for about 12 hours. We've all been there. We've all sworn to lose weight, join a gym, quit smoking, stop doing somethingoranother or, start doing somethingoranother.

We turn around and realize that another year has passed. If we're fortunate, we look back and say "Damn, I did it. I accomplished it."

Or more often the case, we look back and think, "What a fucking waste this year was."

So here it is again. Dec 31st looming large. Time to for us to set new expectations in our lives. Expectations that in just one day we can change something in our life we're not happy with.

And if truth be known... we can. It's just that sometimes 1 year is not enough time to achieve it.

I've long grown past the 'party in a bar' New Years celebration. For the last few years I've stayed at home, barely caring to watch the ball drop in Times Square, but still I resolved to do a few things. In years past I've resolved to get out of a nothingness of a marriage, get a financial hold on my life, buy a house. All of them took more than one year to do. But this year, I look back and find them all done. Frankly, it's rather surreal.

It's also a time to look back and say thanks for the things that did go right during the year. What I thank God most for, is the continued good health of me and my kids.

But, I have one last resolution left. One last thing I want to accomplish. And this one is huge. This one is scary. This one would change me almost more than all the others. And I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it. It's something I wish for everyday. I battle every day over it. Every.single.day. But having it done, would make me so very happy.

It'll be interesting to look back a year from now, and see if I had the guts to go through with it.

Oy

Just when I was going to learn to keep my opinions to myself...

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

Weird Habits Tagged.

You've been tagged (by Pretty Peanut)! Here are the rules; the first player of this game starts with the topic. Five weird habits of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don’t forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says “You are tagged” (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours.

5 weird habits. hmm.

Hmmm.

I have quirks. Do they count?

1. I luv coffee. I am not human until I get my coffee. I.really.love.my.coffee. My ex used to wake me up by poking me. You know, that kind of poking. He's lucky I didn't un-attached it from his body kind of poking. He learned to wake me up with coffee. It's still attached. All because of coffee. He's the only person I know that might love coffee more than I do.

2. I have an extreme weakness for tall men. This is measured in direct contrast to my complete oblivion to short men. Tall men send instant visions of sex to my brain. Instant.

3. I'm a fixer. If there's a problem. I will come up with a solution. This comes in handy in times of a crises. But, if people tell me their problems, I will then offer up a solution and actually expect them to do it. I need to stop issuing advice to people that really don't want it and won't follow it, and learn that sometimes it's just enough to listen and nod.

4. I like sitting on the bathroom vanity and soaking my feet. I will fix a cup of coffee, grab a book and sit there for an hour with my feet in the sink, soaking in the warm water.

5. I have to touch stuff when I'm shopping/browsing whether I buy it or not. It just begs to be touched, fondled, held.

Tagged:

Gail

Becky

Bedazzled

Kath

Nirvana

It's done, over, finis. I didn't go into debt over Christmas and I'm not broke. It's my own Christmas miracle.

But it gets better.

I'm on vacation for 2 weeks. From both jobs.

Pass the sweats and call me lazy.

I'm about to take 'sloth' to a whole new level.

Christmas?! I Own Your Butt.

OMG. I am so excited.

I've been seriously plagued by the "I don't know fairies" this year. Annoying little fockers. That's what happens when you have teenagers who aren't the 'gimme gimme' kind of kids. They've been poor. Real poor. But at this time in our lives we're not rich, but we're not poor either. Thank you God.

I tried to eliminate the "I don't know faries" by offering to take the kids on their first plane trip. My boys are 20, 20 and 18 and have never been on a plane. So, I suggested instead of buying a crapload of 'stuff', that we get up Christmas morning and go to the airport and go have an adventure.

We could set a budget, google cheap last minute fares to anywhere, pick a destination that was in our budget and go have an adventure. We could fly to Washington DC for lunch then come back home. Fares were less than $200 round trip. Christmas fun for 4 people costing under $1,000. Not only doable, but a damn fun idea. Or so I thought.

2 sons said "Sure!" They were game.

But alas, boys will be little boys... and one lone voice said, "But will there be presents under the tree Christmas morning? I like the way we always have Christmas. We have our traditions." le sigh. What to do when you have a child that's still a kid at heart? You go shopping and buy crap.

And then 2 days ago, their Dad stepped up. Last year he gave them I.O.U.'s. This year he gave them each $300 to shop and ME money too. But by that time, I had already spent part of my budget buying presents. Now, with the extra cash we could now swing the trip, but talk about excess! No. I decided I it was financially smarter to continue with the usual presents idea and now I would still have money left over in the bank after Christmas. Wow. Wouldn't that be novel.

But that meant I was back to battling the "I don't know fairies."

Yesterday the words "Creative Zen" (better than iPods the kids say) were heard. Do you know how hard it is to find one of those this year? I found 3. Woohoo! They cost more than the friggen plane idea. 80% of the budget on one gift for each child.

And then, while whining about the "I don't know fairies" to a guy at work, a fantastic present fell into my lap.

I mentioned I saw pool tables for sale under $500 at Sports Authority but they were sold out.

He mentioned he had a regulation pool table in perfect condition sitting in his basement that he wanted gone.

I'm taking it off his hands for $50.

Oh yeaaaa! Take that you blasted "I don't know fairies." I own your asses now.

Shopping Smart

Why did I not think of this before?

Delegate.

I have 3 elves with cars. Delegate.the.shopping.Duh.

To All

Wishing Everyone a Very Merry Christmas. And a Persnickety New Year.

Oh Chit.

OMG. There are 2 - -TWO(!) shopping days left. TWO.

After work yesterday, I grabbed the nearest son (aka helper elf#1) and took off shopping. I was actually armed with ideas. Ideas people. Ideas!

We hit the Dollar Store so helper elf#1 could get his tradition out of the way and then it was on to the store. There were no crowds and plenty of stuff on the shelves. We started wandering.

"Oh look" said helper elf, "gloves. I sure need some gloves."

Into the basket they went. "Pretend you didn't see that" I said. "Merry Christmas."

"Oh look!" said helper elf, "A suede comforter. You know brother C wants a comforter. Boy, I sure would like a new comforter like this too."

Into the basket 2 comforters went. "Pretend you didn't see that" I said. "Merry Christmas."

And so it went.

Today I'm grabbing helper elf #2.

Hey, no system is perfect. And a mom's gotta do, what a mom's gotta do.

Pfft.

The other day someone asked me, "So does your blog have a point?"

uh.....No.

No it doesn't.

But thanks ever so much for asking.

A Plan is born

To date or not to date, and why? That's the question I'm pondering tonight.The only answer I can come up with is 'because I'm bored. ' But when it comes right down to it, I'm really too lazy to put the time and effort into dating.

And before I get started, this isn't a question about sex. I can find that anywhere. It's about a r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p. and I don't think I want one of those. Do I? I can't decide. Le sigh.

Tonight the answer is no. I don't. I mean why should I? I've already been married. I have my own house. I support myself. I have total control over the remote, the bathrooms and closets. What more could a girl ask for? It's Nirvana.

I read many 'single women' blogs. Women who all sound to be looking for Mr. Right. Many of these women are in their late 20's, professionals, humorous as hell, but rather desperately seeking the husband of their dreams to father their not yet to-be-born children.

I have children. It's incentive not to get married.

But then I was watching TV and saw a commercial for E-Harmony. So I went to check out the site. (Boredom manifests itself in strange ways.)

Damn, these people are way too freaking serious. After about the 3rd page of answering questions, I quit. Anybody that fills out all that paperwork is looking for marriage. I mean what kind of guy would fill out a mega questionnaire like that? Girls? Yes. We take quizzes in magazines. Answer a 40 page questionnaire? No problem. Guys? Well, I'm thinking, not so much.

And just watch those E-Harmony commercials. The couples are so sweet, in love, yadda yadda...but look closer. Those women have death grips on the guy. There isn't a one that isn't latched onto his arm or super glued their hands together. Scary.

I think what I really need to find is a small circle of single girl friends...

And a pool boy like the Christmas Santa. I mean, he comes to the house weekly, doesn't take up closet space, I don't have to feed him..........Yep, I think that he would do quite nicely. Quite nicely indeed.

Now, where to find one. That is the real question.

Amazon.com

Dear Ms. K:

Thank you for the e-mail and order.

Your
shipment was returned to us yesterday,
due to a mis-sort by the carrier.

***A replacement shipment containing the
undamaged items is already
on its way to
you.***

Some of the items on your order,

Miniatures Pack [Qty. 2]

were in damaged condition in the
returned
package. We placed an order for brand new
replacements for
you,
and the replacements
are currently on back-order with the
publisher.

Do you wish to keep these items on back-order,
cancel the
order and
receive a refund, or cancel
the back-order and order other
items?

Please let us know.

Please let us know if there is
anything else
we
can do for you.

Thank you for your business!

fuckity-fuck.fuck.

Scrooge

I'm so done with wandering through stores aimlessly. Next time I go shopping I better damn well buy something.

So far Christmas is stacking up like this:

Son #3, the 18 year old. Shooting boots and a new glove bought a week ago. He wore them last weekend at a competition but at a price tag of $200 I'm making him wrap them and put them under the tree.

Son #2, the 20 year old. I ordered some stuff from Amazon.com. It hasn't arrived yet. It's just stuff. It's Wednesday. Christmas is Sunday. I need this stuff. Then I need to find more stuff.

Son #3, the 20 year old college kid. His hard drive is going on his lap top. He ordered it and it will arrive.... sometime.

I'm out of ideas. I'm lacking inspiration. I'm on a strict budget.

I'm so scrooged.